The Truth is Out: Pasties and Petrol

As much as I can’t stand politics, all the media mayhem over petrol and pasties is so ludicrous that it’s hard not to follow just for pure entertainment.  Last week the nation was rocked by three major crisis, a false petrol shortage, an increase in the cost of stamps, and most outrageous–a proposed VAT on pasties (which could possibly lead to a bakers’ march).

All the controversy over pasties doesn’t end there.  In fact, it gets better! Never mind the lies that David Cameron told about having a pasty at the West Cornwall Pasty Company.  Our trusted friends at the Daily Mail have discovered that the PM indeed sampled some Greggs treats when visiting the bakery last year, but it was in fact a sausage roll, not a pasty.  Pastry, pasty, all the same when sold warm – all VATable.

But one question still remains, as I asked before, how warm is warm? I scoured the internet for the most simplified answer and forgive me for quoting the DM twice in one post, but I couldn’t have put it any better. If the pie is hotter than what the ‘ambient temperature’ is in relation to the food,you’ll pay VAT at 20%. “Cold or lukewarm and you grab a bargain, cheat the taxman – and maybe get a free dose of food poisoning.” Well said, Paul Harris!

Truth be told, what this nonsense about pasties and scaring people into hoarding ‘jerry cans’ of spare petrol (I think I even read somewhere that a woman in York suffered 40% burns when pouring petrol into a jug in her kitchen with the gas cooker on) really highlights is how out of touch the current government is with the people. I’m not sure what the Labour lot were trying to prove when they decided to jump on the pasty bandwagon, but to be fair, you can’t fault David Cameron for having a privileged upbringing. He had no say in it, really. But there certainly is a huge gap between Tory politics and what the people need.

A Quiz inspired by Fuel Strikes and VAT Hikes

Oh no! I think I’m pasty obsessed! I enjoyed this article in The Independent so much that I had to share it, along with Matt Chorley’s quiz below.  And before any of my mates go assuming that I got mostly Bs, I’ll have it be known I got exactly half As and half Bs, which makes me rather well-rounded! (^-^)v  Please let me know how you did in the comments section. Go on, it’ll be fun!

Crumbs – a quiz! Jerry Can Manor Pasty Person?

Fuel strikes and VAT hikes have exposed the great divisions in Britain today. Do you prefer bankers or bakers? Do you dine in Downing Street or grab a pie on the go? Take Matt Chorley’s quiz to see whether you are too posh for pastry.*

(*Excludes beef Wellington)

What is an oggie?

A A delicious snack, counts as one of your five a day

B A beastly schoolmaster

You pop to the garage. Why?

A To buy de-icer, charcoal and a wind-up torch

B To check the chauffeur has polished the Bentley

How to pronounce “pasty”?

A Past-y

B Paste-y

When do you have tea?

A When you get round to cooking after work

B When Carson brings a tray of Earl Grey to the drawing room

How many pasties laid end to end stretch from Leeds station to Downing Street?

A 1,372,800

B Now, yes, Leeds, I went there once. Got a castle?

What do you expect from a dinner guest?

A A bottle of Kumala red, and some scandalous gossip

B A cheque for £250,000 and some policy ideas

Where do you crimp?

A On the top

B At a card table

Greggs has a special offer on. Do you?

A Buy six sausage rolls

B Book a table for two, by the window

Complete this West Country schoolboy’s song: Matthew, Mark, Luke and John/ate a pasty five feet long/Bit it once, Bit it twice/Oh my Lord, it’s…?

A Full of mice

B A lot of pastry and then mostly potato on the inside

Of all the characters in The Good Life, who can expect to be told off by Margot?

A Is it Homer?

B Jerry can

How did you do?

Mostly As – You’re a pasty-eating man (or woman) of the people

Mostly Bs – You wouldn’t go near a pasty without a knife and fork